Thursday, December 30, 2010

New Year and STILL Fighting the Fight...

Well, hello to everyone.  It's been a while since I last posted.  First, I want to wish you all a Happy New Year.  Life has been hectic for me this last year.  I am ready for peace.  lol.  Like that is ever gonna happen.  Life is hectic.  I guess I just gotta deal with it.  I have started working a 40 hour a week job in the last few months.  Which has taken some getting used to. Actually, I don't know if  I am used to it yet, or that I ever will be.  I am also working nights.  10p-7a.  That has been hard, too.  But, for now...I have no choice.  The night shift pays more money.  And let's face it, I am only working for the money.  lol.  I would much rather be home with my family. 

I had a health scare today.  I had been unable to have a bowel movement for about 5 days.  This is embarrassing to talk about.  lol.  But, anyway...I was in such  pain.  And, also throwing up a lot.  SO, I finally made an appointment today and went to the doctor.   She poked around on my stomach (OUCH!) some and then ordered some xrays of my abdomen.  She was concerned that I might have an obstruction in my intestines.   So, I went and had the xrays done.  Thank God....there wasn't a blockage.  So, my doc called me in some powerful laxative at the pharmacy.  She said it would "blow me out".  At that point, I was up for anything that would help.  SO, I got home around 6 pm last night and drank the stuff.  It is now 2:28 am....and I am still pooping!!  UGH!  But, I have to say that I feel so much better.  Good thing I am used to being up all night at work.  lol.  Because there is NO sleeping for me for a while yet. 

But, I have to share that I got on the scale at the doctor's office and I have lost 14 lbs since I was there last!  I had no idea that I had lost anything.  I have to say... it has been a slow weight loss...but,  a loss is a loss.  So, I begin this new year at 208.  I was at 240 in January of last year.  That is a total loss of 32 lbs. in a year.  I will take it!!  My job is very physical...that is the only thing I can think of that has helped me lose. 

Anyway.... I hope to update my blog frequently...but, working nights wears me out.  I do have 2 nights off a week.  So, I am going to try to update weekly and see how that goes. 

Now, that I know I have been losing weight... I am motivated to change my eating habits again.  Not to mention my intestinal issues of late. I know I haven't been eating right.  Let's face it...  I have been eating CRAP!  And my body fought back. 

New year...same fight....but, I am winning!!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

This Shouldn't Be So Hard...

I am seriously struggling!  I am having intense cravings and have given into some of them.  Why is this so hard for me??  I see all of you who have lost so much weight.  I know that it wasn't easy for any of you.  But, I told myself in the beginning that if you guys could do it...I could too.  But, I am so mad at myself.  I lost weight in the beginning.  But, I have gained 5 lbs back.  I don't want to be fat for the rest of my life.   I am just having a hard time...

Friday, July 23, 2010

Hi

Just wanted to drop in and say : I'm still here!  Just trying to find balance in my life.  I have been reading blogs...just not posting.  I will try to post more. :)

Thanks to those of you who have inquired about my well being.  It's nice to be missed. 

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Joshua's Birthday

Joshua turned 5 on the 16th.  He is growing up so fast.  Here is a picture of his "hotwheels" cake.  And, yes...I had some.  lol.

Blog Award!

I got an award!  Thanks so much, Kim  You rock!  The first thing I have to do it to thank the person who gave it to me...Done!  The second part of this award is to write ten things that you love.
1.  God. He is my heavenly Father. 
2.  My son.  I am so blessed to have him.
3.  My husband.
4.  My parents.  I love and miss them so much.
5.  My sisters.   They are all so different from each other.  I am so proud of them.
6. My friends.  I don't have many...but, it's the quality...not the quantity that counts.
7. Sleeping late. I don't get to do it very often. lol
8. Fall...My favorite time of the year.
9. Clean clothes.  I love it when all of my laundry is done!  lol.
10. Homeschooling my son.  I am so lucky to be able to teach him.  He is so smart.

The third part is to pass this on to 10 other bloggers.

The Incredible Shrinking Family

Sandy's Search For Her Inner Skinny

 A Deliberate Life

Between The Before And After

Fat Girl With A Pretty Face

From Fat To Fab

From Fat To Fantastic

Life Time Plan

Becca's Weight Loss Struggles

 PCOS: Path To Health


I wanted to give this back to Kim...But, I didn't know if that was "allowed" or not.  SO...KIM...I LOVE YOUR BLOG!!

Monday, June 14, 2010

More Meds...

My doctor's office called this morning.  She changed my metformin from 1500mg to 2000mg.  She also put me on Tricor for my triglycerides.  We were hoping that my weight loss had helped...but, my trigs were still high.  So, I am on this Tricor for one month to see if it will help.  I skipped weigh in this week.  I just feel fat and bloated.  Maybe another period is on it's way.  I had one in April and skipped May.  The one in April was the first in many many months.  Maybe this increase in Metformin will help regulate me more. 

Food today was good.  I didn't go over my budget.  I worked 5 hours today.  Pretty physical job all day.  Lots of rooms to clean today.  I have been drinking lots more water the last week or so.  I am trying to wean myself off diet coke.  I had 3 today.  That may sound like a lot...but, I am used to having 6 or 7 a day.  BAD HABIT! 

I hope everyone has a good night.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Why Do I Do This??

I just did something that I'm not proud of.  And my body is letting me know.  I ended up eating leftovers from last night for lunch.  Which in it's self  isn't a bad thing.  But, the amount that I ate...therein lies the problem.  I ate and ate until the entire bowl was gone.  I started feeling full halfway through the meal. But, I didn't stop.  I don't really know why.  I just "had" to finish the entire thing.  Well...I got so sick.  I had to take lots of papaya enzyme tablets and 4 advil for the horrible headache I got.  My stomach was reeling and I felt like it was gonna come back up any minute.  I did think about just letting myself puke so that I would feel better.  But, I didn't want my husband to know that I had eaten so much...so, I didn't puke.  Besides, I hate puking! 

Well, it's been about 2 hours since I pigged out.  I can now lift my head off of the pillow and type on the computer.  It would not have been possible right after I ate.  I know that I am a food addict.  But, this kind of obsessive eating hasn't been a problem for me in the past.  That I can remember, anyway.  I always had a stopping point.  Maybe because now I am limiting myself to my calorie bank has made me rebel a bit. 

But, as much as I hated doing this to myself... I have to say... LESSON LEARNED!  I never want to feel that sick again.  Especially when I made myself sick.  I could have prevented the whole thing.  I just lost control.  But, I feel like I am back at the wheel now and I know which direction I want to go. 

Thanks for reading.  I feel better now that my stupidity isn't a secret anymore.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Food Log~ 6/07/10

Monday:

S~ granola bar  100

B~ bacon 160   egg w/ cheese 140

L~ ham and cheese sandwich  325

S~ yogurt  100

D~ mashed potatoes, pork  550

S~ yogurt 100

1475

Nothing exciting happening here today.   Just work.  Joshua and I went for a walk this afternoon.  The weather has been nice today.  I go have my blood drawn tomorrow.  So, I have to fast 12 hours.  Starting tonight.  I am gonna try to get a few more calories in before bed.  Maybe 100 more or so.  I am trying to keep them between 1500 and 1600.  Have a great night.

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Weigh In Sunday...

This is what my BMI was in March:
35.86

This is what it is today:
34.45

I am still OBESE...but, it's nice to see that number going down.  Weigh in today was good.  I lost 2 lbs.   I am now at the point where I have trouble losing.  I weigh 220.  It has been hard for me to get under that number in the past.  BUT, this is now...that was then.  I will be under 220 next week.  I can't wait.  That number has been playing mental games with me for years.  I get down to 220 and for some reason... I stop trying.  Crazy, huh?  Well, no more.  Game over.

I hope you all have a great day.  It's rainy here.  Not sure what our plans are for the day.  I may have to work...  I did yesterday.  I will be back later to post my food.

Friday, June 4, 2010

Food Log~ June 4, 2010

Today I ate:


Breakfast

Chewy Granola Bar 100

Wonder Stoneground 100% Whole Wheat Bread  360
Hannaford Beef Bologna  220
Kraft Deli Select White American Cheese  80
Kraft Miracle Whip  40

Dinner

Betty Crocker Hamburger Helper Beef  300
Asparagus, Boiled  80
Corn 160

Midnight Snack

Kashi Island Vanilla     90
Wegmans Organic 2% Milk  130


 Calories: 1560

 I worked this morning.  Then after work...I got a long walk in...then I played catch with Joshua.  He is learning how to use a baseball glove.  We had lots of fun.  It was a great day. 

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Moving Forward And Letting Go...

First of all...I want to say "thanks" to those who commented on my last post.  I didn't realize how much I needed to "know" that I didn't do anything wrong.  Just reading all of the comments really helped me get past that experience.  I am now ready to move forward and let go of all feelings that I was having.  Creepy Psycho Man can kiss off!  I'm not letting him ruin what I have worked so hard for.

I went to the dr. today for my 3 month check up.  I was leary of the scale.  It hasn't been my friend for many years.  But, I am happy to say that today it was nice to me.  I am down 16 lbs from my last visit.  I know I am not losing at lightning speed...but, Heck I am losing!  My dr. was so happy.  I still have a ways to go...but, today was a big motivation for me to keep keeping on.  I go have follow up blood work done on Tuesday of next week.  I hope to see better #'s than I saw 3 months ago.

My baby will be 5 on the 16th of this month.  I am freaking out.  He is getting so big!  And he is super smart.  He can pick up the newspaper and read the headlines to us.  lol. He wants a Lego cake for his birthday.  Last year it was Transformers.  The year before that it was Bob the Builder.  And the year before that he wanted Elmo.  lol.  I have pics of every cake.  I will be sure and post this year's cake for everyone to see.  He is so excited.  He keeps asking me "how many more days unitl my party?"   I am so blessed.

I am going to start posting my calories again tomorrow.  It was so helpful to me before.  I have let life derail me for too long.  I am moving forward again. :)

Sunday, May 30, 2010

I Need To Talk...

I have been trying to decide if I should blog about something that happened to me a few weeks ago.  I have to say that it has affected me in a way that I don't understand.  I finally decided that sharing what happened might help me understand my reaction and my lingering feelings.  So... here it goes. 

I am a housekeeper for a hotel.  I go into guest's rooms three times a week.  Well, there is a guest that has been living at the hotel as an extended stay guest.   He has been there for a long time.  I met the man once.  He is usually never home when I clean his room.  He works during the day.  So, I basically don't know him at all.  I have seen him drive in or out of the parking lot a few times... and have acknowledged him with a wave as I do everyone. 

So, about a month ago I went into his room to clean it and I noticed an envelope on his table that had my name on it.  It also said...PERSONAL...FOR YOUR EYES ONLY on it.  Looking back...I should have been leary of the letter.  But, the man had left me a tip a few times before.  I thought he decided to put it in an envelope this time.  Not to mention that I had heard through the grapevine that he was behind on his rent.  I just thought that he left me a tip and didn't want anyone else to know.  I know... I was so stupid!  Anyway...I opened the envelope and inside was a drawing of a rose and a letter.  The letter was 3 pages.  It said that he wanted to get to know me better and that he was attracted to me.  He also said that he knew I was married..but, still wanted to take me out sometime.  He said he knew that I was attracted to him, too...because I leave him large fluffy towels in his bathroom.  And that when I wave to him...it touches him deeply.  He also said that even though we haven't ever had a conversation... he thinks about me often.  The letter went on to describe his idea of a perfect date.  Long walks on the beach, candlelight dinners and that sort of crap. 

Well...I forgot to mention that it is public knowledge that this man is a cross-dressing convicted sex offender.   After I read the letter...I basically freaked out!  I didn't know what to do.  My first thought was that I can't show this to my husband.  I was afraid he would kill the man.  I put the letter in my pocket and went on to clean the next room.  Before I got done cleaning...my husband came into the room I was cleaning to get our son.  I had him with me at work for a few hours because my husband had a doctor's appointment that day.  Anyway... I told him about the letter and then I showed it to him.  He didn't freak out like I thought he would.  He wasn't happy...but, he didn't want to kill the man, either.  I finished work and we went home.  Then, a few hours later he decided that he would go to talk to the man.  He promised that he wouldn't start anything.  But, he knew I was upset..so, he wanted to nip this thing in the bud before it went any further.  So, he left.  I was freaking out the entire time he was gone.  When he got back...he said that the man was shaking when he left him..but, that he didn't hurt him.  I have to mention that my husband is a big man.  He is 6'2 and 250 lbs.  He can come across as a threat when he wants to.  He said that he told the man that he scared me.  He also told him that he "might not care that I was married...but, he(my husband) could make him care."  Then, my husband went and showed the letter to my employer.  My employer was livid.  He was angry at the guest.  He told my husband that I didn't have to go into that room anymore.  That guest could do his own housekeeping and come to the office when he needed clean towels or sheets. 

I know that was a long story.  But, here I am a month later and I am still worried about seeing that man.  I have been having nightmares about him finding me alone in one of the rooms I am cleaning and stabbing me with a butcher knife because I showed the letter to my husband.  When he had written on the envelope that it was for my eyes only.  I know that sounds so silly.  But, the fear is real.  I don't want attenion from men.  I think that is one of the reasons that I have been fat for so long.  I don't like for men to look at me.  I lost a lot of weight before I met my husband.  I hated the looks and stares I got from men.  So, after this thing with the psycho hotel guest...I have been eating like a horse.   I am stressed beyond words and I don't want to lose weight because I don't want men to notice me.  I have some serious problems that I need to work through.  But, just getting this out and putting it into words may help.   Maybe being fat for most of my life has made me self-conscious about men looking at me.  I don't feel comfortable.  I feel cheap and dirty.  And after that hotel guest...I feel like I did something wrong to cause him to think I was attracted to him.  But, really all I did was give him towels and acknowledge him a couple of times.  I guess I was too friendly. 


So, thanks for reading this.  I was doing so good before all of this happened.  I felt good about myself for the first time in a long time.  I want that feeling back...but, I'm scared. 

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Hi

Still here...trying to figure out life and where I fit into it.  Trying to get out of this funk I've been in lately.  Trying to deal with too much at once.  Trying to make blogging a priority again.  Trying...

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Proof...I'm Doing Something Right

Good Morning!  I found an article on MSN this morning that confirmed that I am burning calories when I do 4 hours of housekeeping... lol.  Just had to post part of it.


Simple Steps Can Lead To More Exercise


Small steps can lead to big results.

Scrub, Sweep, Push, Pull

Keep your body moving by keeping your home spotless. 

 A 2003 study in the journal Medicine and Science in Sports and Exercise found that vacuuming a rug burned a similar amount of calories as a slow walk on a treadmill—you are walking when you use a vacuum, after all. Using upright and canister vacuums without power-assist features burned up to 10 percent more calories.

Good to know I am doing something good for my body when I am at work.  lol.  That's just vacuuming...they don't mention stripping and making beds, sweeping, mopping, and all of that bending and walking that I do.  ;)

I have had cereal so far this morning.  After a few more mins of "waking up"... I am going to get ready to go grocery shopping.  I dread it and anticipate it at the same time.  lol.  I need to get food...but, hate doing it. 

I was thinking yesterday that I feel "in control" again.  I had been feeling like I wasn't in control the last couple of weeks.  Not just my eating and exercise...but, in everything.  I have also realized that being in control takes an effort on my part.  I know that may sound strange...but, I sometimes get overwhelmed with the circumstances of life and don't even realize that I have just basically let life pass me by without taking part in it.  That statement might not make sense..but, I know what I mean...lol.   I have a hard time putting my thoughts into coherent words...bear with me, please. 

Someone once told me that losing weight was "easy".  You just have to "do it".  lol.  I believe that anyone who says that is a) lying to themselves, b) lying to others or c) just freaking lying!  It ain't easy!!   I do believe that sometimes we make it harder than it has to be...but, easy... no.  But, it is very doable.  Is doable a word??  I realize that I am rambling....I just have so many thoughts roaming around in my head this morning.  lol.  

Well, I hope everyone has  a great day.  I will post any good finds from the grocery store tomorrow.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Great Day!

Today has been a truly great day.  The weather was beautiful. I worked 5 hours.  Then, Joshua and I spent lots of time outside enjoying the fresh air.  I'm so glad winter is over.  We took a long walk.  And then, we spent time playing in the dirt with his dump trucks and other toys.  It was so good to see him having fun.  While I was watching him play... I just got so overwhelmed with so many emotions.  I feel so blessed to have him.  I just had to thank God for him.  His birthday is next month.  He will be 5.  It's so hard to believe.  PCOS had me convienced that I would never have a child.   But, God had other plans. 

I am off tomorrow.  I have to go grocery shopping.   So far, that's all I have planned.  Tomorrow is supposed to be another beautiful day...so, I will probably be outside most of the day. 
Have a great night...

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Back On Track...

I have lost 2 more lbs.  To put me back at 222.  I lost my focus for a couple of weeks...but, I am back on track now.  I worked 5 1/2 hours yesterday.  Making beds, sweeping, mopping, vacuuming and lots of bending and walking.  I was exhausted when I got done.  But, I got a good workout in.  Today, Joshua and I are going for a long walk..when it warms up a bit.  It's still in the lower 40's right now.  Dinner is going to be grilled chicken breast, grilled zucchini and red skinned potato salad.  I will only eat a bit of the potato salad. 

Have a great day!

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Not My Calling...

So, I have discovered that blogging is not my calling in life. I'm not giving up...it has just been hard lately to have enough time to actually put words together to make sentences.  lol.    Life has been hectic lately.  I have gained 2 lbs, too.  UGH!  Blogging helps me stay on track.  So, I gotta get back on here every day. 

Thanks to all of you who have commented.  Sorry about not getting back to you.  I will do better.

I will be back here tomorrow.  And hopefully, I will have something interesting to say.  lol.  My life is just not very exciting. ;)

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

2 More Kicked to the Curb...

I lost 2 more pounds!  I am super excited.  It's amazing to me how easy this is.  I have tried so many different "diets" over the years.  It was always a struggle.  I ended up giving up because it was just too hard.  I usually had to make two meals.  One for me and one for the rest of the family.  Now, I can eat what I want as long as I don't go over my calories.  It's just so mind blowing.  It's so simple.  lol.

Hubby and I have decided that we are going to go to the grocery store and buy a fruit or veggie that we have never tried.   We want to eat something new once a week.  I think that would be so cool.   Yesterday we got a fresh pineapple (never had a fresh one).  Hubby peeled and cored it.  Then he grilled it.  Talk about YUMMY!   I am used to canned pineapple.  I may never want canned again.  lol.  It was so sweet and juicy.  And it didn't have a "tin" flavor from the can. 

I have been working more hours.  Hence fewer posts to my blog.  I was feeling guilty about it...but, I am over that.  This is my blog.  I will not be made to feel guilty if I don't post every day.  lol.  That's what I had to tell myself.  I have enough guilt in my life without adding any more.  Homeschool takes up a lot of time.  I am getting a new study unit together.  I'm trying to get a couple of months ahead.  I want to have everything printed out that I need and just be able to get what I need for each day and not be fumbling around trying to find things.  I simply need more organization.  It will come.  I started working again in November.  And I am still trying to find a balance between school and work. 

I was thinking the other day...my life is one big SYNDROME.  Seriously, I have PCOS, IBS, RLS and occasionsal PMS.   lol.  I know weight loss will help the pcos.  Not sure about the others.  Guess we will see.  :)

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Time...

Thanks, Kim! :)

It's funny how time flies and things just get away from you.  I haven't posted here since Monday.  I kept meaning to get over here and at least say "I'm still here".  But, I have been so tired the last few days.  I have been going to bed early.  I usually try to post at night when everyone is asleep and I have a few mins to myself...but, lately that hasn't worked out.  I have today off from work.  I have been working more hours and homeschooling takes a lot of my left over time.  It sounds like I am trying to make excuses.  I'm not.  I am just trying to figure out where all of my time goes.  lol. 

I have been doing really good.  My calories are where I want them to be and I feel great.  I had a NSV yesterday.  While getting ready for work...I put on a pair of jeans that I hadn't worn in a while.  I used to have to lay down to get them zipped.  But, yesterday they zipped right up!  I was so excited.  I went to work feeling "skinnier".  lol.  Little things like that keep me motivated.  No one has commented on my weight loss.  It's still too early for others to be able to tell.  But, that will come in time.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Food Log~ April 19, 2010

Monday:

B~Kelloggs mini wheats= 298

S~ Kelloggs mini wheats= 298

L~ mushroom soup and grilled cheese sandwich= 400

D~  2 hot dogs with cheese= 560

S~ 3 chicken nuggets = 135

Total~ 1691


I hope everyone had a good Monday.  Mine was busy.  I had lots of rooms to clean today.  But, the upside is that I got lots of exercise.  lol.  My back, legs and feet hurt after work today.  I had to take some advil.  Needless to say, I got a workout.  My calories were under control today.  I had a yummy lunch.  Mushroom soup and a grilled cheese sandwich.  So satisfying.  Tomorrow is one of my days off.  That is when I struggle to keep my calories in check.  It's supposed to be sunny tomorrow, so after school is over...I am planning on taking Joshua outside to ride his bike.  He rides...I walk.  lol.  And that kid can ride a long time.  The other day he rode for 90 mins. I was walking right beside him.  And he was going faster and faster to see if I could keep up with him.  lol.  And I did!  That's fun for us.  I still need to get to the grocery store.  Maybe I can do that tomorrow evening.  We'll see.  Have a great night!

FYI:  Food Network is EVIL!  lol.  They make the best looking stuff on there. I got to change it.  BYE!

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Food Log: Sunday April, 18 2010 and She's H-E-R-E...

My food choices weren't so diet friendly today because I need to go shopping.  But, I did stay within my calories. Woo Hoo!

B~ pancakes and sausage= 710

L~ french Fries= 355

D~ Grilled Sirloin Steak, Grilled zucchini= 510

S~ watermelon= 46
Total: 1621

See...not really "diet" food.  I hope to do better next week.

And on another note...I have found the cause of my recent issues.   AF reared her head today.  I am actually happy!  This is the first time in over 3 years.  The metformin worked.  I have been taking it since January and today it worked!   I am crampy and grouchy.  But, I feel like my cravings are not so intense.  I feel more "in control."  My husband grilled steak and zucchini for dinner.  I took a pic.  I'm not so good with presentation...but, it was so yummy!


Have a great night!

Weekly Weigh in...

So, after almost a week of crappy eating...I gained a pound.  I have to say that I'm not surprised.  I actually expected more.  So, I will accept the consequences of my bad choices and move forward. 

I am committing to post my food log each day.  So, I will be back later to post what I ate today.


Later...

Friday, April 16, 2010

Things Are Going Better...

Today was better.  I'm still not quite where I want to be.  But, I'm not stressing about it anymore.  That just made things worse.  I did eat better today.  I am just still so hungry.  But, I've increased my exercise.  So, that's good.  I'm struggling with cooking for my family.  I tend to want to eat more if there is a big meal.  My husband wants big meals.  I do better when meals consist of small amounts with light ingredients.  So, I need to be able to control myself when I cook big meals.  I'm not trying to blame anyone or anything for my lack of self control.  It's all my fault.  I should be able to control my appetite no matter what size the meal is. 

I want to say a big THANKS to all who commented on my last post.  Your encouragement was needed and appreciated.  It's good to know that I am not alone in my struggles.  I'm putting one foot in front of the other and trudging forward.  No matter how rocky the road ahead is.   I am committed to losing this weight.  I know I would feel so much better.   Not to mention how much better I would look.  That is just an added bonus.  

So, here's to tomorrow...may we all have great days full of good choices.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Hello...

Well, I have been avoiding this blog like the plague.  I have been feeling guilty.  I have had bad eating days for three days in a row.  I didn't pig out...I just ate over my calories.  I feel so FAT today.  I am bloated and I just feel rotten.  I tried to get back on track yesterday.  Then, I tried to get back on track today.  I haven't been able to get my mind back on track.  What is wrong?  I lost 3 lbs. last week.  I was so psyched.  Monday...I ate good.  Then, Tuesday rolled around and I was STARVING!  It has been like that yesterday and today, too.  I am craving tomato sauce.  Something savory and saucy.  Maybe I am going to have a visit from AF soon.  I have been taking metformin for a while now and it is supposed to help in that area.  I have been having horrible mood swings and headaches, too.

Anyway...they say confession is good for the soul.  Maybe I just need to "come clean" before I can forgive myself and move on.  I hate this downward spiral.  It's like I can't allow myself to mess up.  I punish myself.  Crazy, huh?

Okay... I have confessed.  I must admit... I do feel a bit better.  The next couple of days are going to be difficult.  Now that I have screwed up...I need to have a long talk with myself.  I have worth.  I am capable of getting healthy.  I NEED to get healthy.  

I hope I can move forward tomorrow.  I don't need any more days of bad choices.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Weekly Weigh In...

I LOST 3 LBS!  Yea me!  This is really working.  I am so happy.  When I started trying to lose weight in January, I went on an intense detox.  I lost 10 lbs.  But, I hated eating that way.  Of course, detox isn't meant to be a long term way of eating.  Then, I just kinda maintained until March.  That is when I joined blogger and started trying to find something that worked for me.  I had gotten advise from my doctor in January to lose weight.  My PCOS was out of control and my bloodwork wasn't good. 

Anyway, here I am on April 11 and I have lost 16 lbs.  I started out at 240 and am now 224.  I finally feel like I can do this.  I got some really good advice from Chris and Kim.  They really helped me get motivated.  Thanks girls!

And I am happy to announce that the Easter candy ran out on Friday.  Chocolate is a big temptation for me.  I gave in a few times...but, I always counted it in my calories.  ;)

So, I am looking forward to another week of good eating and good choices.  I gotta get off of the computer now to finish getting ready for church. 

Have a great day!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Food Log: Wednesday~ April 7, 2010

April 7th, 2010


B~ nada

L~Deli Turkey  200
Kraft Deli Deluxe American White Slices  160
Wonder Stoneground 100% Whole Wheat Bread  360 
Kraft Miracle Whip 120

D~Great Northern Beans Dried  420

S~Palmer Butter Cream Flavored Eggs 230 (darn chocolate!)
Total: 1,490 

I was rushed yesterday morning and didn't have time for breakfast before I went to work.  I was starved by the time I got home.  I ended up have 2 turkey sandwiches for lunch!  So, I was stuffed until late in the evening. 

Today... I didn't have to work.  So, I had plenty of time to eat this morning.  Of course, when I am not working, I want to eat all day.  UGH!   But, I am being good and staying out of the kitchen.  lol.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Food Log ~ Tuesday: April 6, 2010

I haven't been posting my food log lately.  I just kinda got out of the habit.  I have been eating okay.  I just haven't posted it.  So, I am starting again...


Tuesday~

B~ Sliced Bacon  156 
Jumbo Eggs  180 
Kraft Deli Deluxe American Cheese Slices 2% Milk  80 

S~ Fresh Grapefruit  35 

L~  hot dog~ 340

D~ White Navy Beans  630 
Cornbread

S~ Palmers Peanut Butter Cup 58


Total: 1479

Joshua and I went for a long walk today.  I also did housekeeping for 4 hours.  So, I did get some exercise today.  Yea me!  lol.  I have been having a bit of chocolate the last couple of days.  I will be glad when it's all gone.  But, the good thing is that I have been limiting myself to just one piece a day.  And I am accounting for it in my calories.   The weather is so nice today that I may get one more good walk in before dark.  Talk to you all later.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Am I a Food Addict?

Before I started this weight loss journey my answer to that question would have been... "absolutely not."  But, since doing some soul searching and reading other weight loss blogs...I have started to ask myself if it is possible that I am a food addict.  I have always considered myself an emotional eater.  I eat when I am upset.  I eat when I am happy.  I eat when I am sad.   I eat when I am afraid.  Basically, I eat all of the time.  But, an addict?   That sounds so, you know...bad.   When I think about an addict, the first thing that comes to mind is drugs.  A drug addict has to have their drugs.  We all have to have food.  Don't we?  So, how could a person be addicted to food if it is something that our body needs?  I was asking myself all of these questions.  Then, I looked up the definition of  "food addict".  Here is what I found.

A food addiction is any disorder characterized by a preoccupation with food. Among the disorders associated with food addiction are anorexia, bulimia, and compulsive eating. Food addicts gain pleasure from the anticipation, availability, and ingestion of food.

Food addicts can also be obsessed with the amount of food they eat, with body weight, and image. There are times when a food addict will not even realize that they are addicted to food. To them, it is a way of life and not a problem. It is only in intervention from family and friends that the food addict will be able to admit to themselves they have a problem.

  I also found some symptoms of food addiction...

Food Addiction Symptoms


If you suspect you or someone you know of having a food addiction, here are some early warning signs for you to look for to help you with early detection of food addiction.



Obsessed with thoughts about food.

Eats to relieve worry or stress.

Eats until they feel sick.

Feels anxious while eating.

Worries or feels anxious while eating which results in more eating.

Overeats because the food is there.

Eats too fast so they can eat more.

Eats everything on the plate even when they feel full.

Feels guilty when they overeat.

Hides food so they can eat in secret away from other people.

Goes on a food binge after dieting or after trying to cut back.

Does not like the feeling of being hungry.

Sees food as something to be avoided or as harmful

HELLO! That is me in a nutshell!  I AM A FOOD ADDICT!  It's crazy...but, knowing that I am a food addict seems to help me understand what I have been going through.  Does that make any sense?  Yes, I am an emotional eater.  That is a symptom of a food addict.  I feel like my eyes have finally been opened.  Now, I just have to find out what to do about my addiction.  I feel good about my recent weight loss.  Coutning calories has made me feel like I am doing something positive for myself.  I just need to figure out what do do with my new found realization that I am an addict.  More soul searching and research is needed.  But, I feel like I am on the right track.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Weekly Weigh In

Happy Easter!   Today is my weigh in.  I lost 2 lbs!  I have been sick for the last few days.  I am feeling better today.  Just really sleepy.  I didn't make good choices the last couple of days.  So, I'm glad I was able to lose 2 lbs this week.  Now I am at 227. 

I need to go to sleep... I will be back later to continue this post.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

UGH!

I have a cold.  I feel like doggy doo.  My head hurts and I can't breath.  I will hopefully be back tomorrow to post my food.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Food Log for Tuesday~ March 30, 2010

Tuesday~

Breakfast:
Rice Krispies Cereal  150
Garelick 2% Milk  65

Lunch:
Chicken Parm. Dinner 490
White Sub Roll  190

Snack:
Triscuits 120
Dip 30

Dinner:
HEB Fully Cooked Shredded Pork Roast With Bbq Sauce  210 
Del Monte Summer Crisp Golden Sweet Corn  70 
Uncle Ben's Long Grain & Wild Rice Herb Roasted Chicken  190 

Snack:
Ff Yogurt  130 
Drake's Sunny Doodles  105


Total: 1750

I have been using The Daily Plate to log my food.  I like it.  But, I think the recommended calorie amount for me is a bit high.  They recommend 2,016 calories.  I eat less on the days that I don't work.  I am trying to get my calories down to around 1600.  I don't want to go too low.  But, I still want to lose. lol.  I guess I am going to have to play with my calories and see what works for me.

I can see little signs that tell me that I am losing weight.  For one, I don't feel like I swallowed a watermelon anymore.  I don't have that bloated feeling.  I also can tell a difference in the way my clothes fit.  I wore a pair of jeans today that used to be so tight that I had trouble bending over or sitting down when I wore them.  Today, they were actually comfortable.  I can't wait until weigh in on Sunday.  I feel thinner! ;)  

So, I have been logging my food for a week or so now.  I think I have got that down.  Now I am working on doing some soul searching.  I need to figure out where I am emotionally right now.  I feel good because I am being proactive about my weight problem.  But, I still feel something else...I'm not really sure what it is.  It's a sort of a fearful, anxious and excited feeling.  I know that sounds totally crazy.  I just don't know what to call it.  Yet.  I think blogging about it will help me start to figure it out.

 I'm not a writer...so, please forgive me for any grammer problems.  I have been sort of scared to just blog about how I feel.  I read some really well written blogs and think...man, they are so good.  But, I finally decided today that this is my blog.  I need to use it for me.  And not be afraid of being "graded" on my writing abilities or the lack there of. 

So, to my current followers (and any there may be in the future)..."thanks for bearing with me."

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Food Log for Monday~ March 29, 2010

B~ff Yogurt  130
Kashi Go Lean Crunch (container) 240

L~cobb salad  290
Triscuits (7) 120

S~snack cake 105

D~Chicken Parmesean dinner  490
2 slices of whole wheat bread  160
Salad  30

S~Nabisco Triscuit, Reduced Fat (7) 120
Heluva Good Bacon Horseradish Dip(1 TSP)  30 
Drake's Sunny Doodles (1) 105

Totals  1820

I went a little over yesterday.  I have been trying to keep my calories between 1700 and 1800.  I worked yesterday so I know I burned a lot of calories.  I am a housekeeper at a hotel.  I work 4 days a week.  It's a very physical job.  I am working on getting a walking schedule going.  I love to walk outside.  But, the weather has hindered that.  I am so looking forward to warmer days.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Food Log for Sunday~ March 28, 2010

March 28th, 2010

Calorie goal: 1,662; calories consumed: 1,793; calories burned: 173

Net calories: 1,620
                                 
Breakfast:
Ortega Whole Wheat Tortillas          260
Bacon, Sliced                                   120
Scrambled Eggs                                 140

Snack:
Kellogg's Shredded Wheat Miniatures 184
1% Milk  55

Lunch:
Cheerios Bowl  140 
Yogurt  80

Snack:
100% Whole Wheat Bread  80
Scrambled Eggs  70

Dinner:
100% Whole Wheat Bread  160
Kraft Single Slice Select American Cheese  70 
Move Over Butter  75
Creamy Tomato Soup  240

Snack:
Fruit Yogurt  119

Totals: 1,620

Thanks to Banded Girl I have discovered The Daily Plate.  I love it.  It's so easy to track your calories.  Thanks again Banded Girl!  I had a good day yesterday.  I didn't have any trouble staying within my calorie range.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Goodbye Pound and Don't Come Back!


I stepped on the scale this morning and.... I lost 1 lb. yea.  Seriously, I am excited about losing 1 lb.  I didn't gain.  I lost.  That is all I can ask for.  I am looking more forward to next week's weigh in.  I am gonna stick to my plan this week and start exercising. 

There are times when I feel like I can't do this and that I am all alone in this fight against the bulge.  But, then I log on here and see that "someone" has actually been reading what I have been writing and they even cared enough to leave a comment!  That's amazing to me.   You guys have taken the time to come to my blog, read it and comment.  Thank you so much.  You guys are amazing.   

Just wait...I'm gonna kick butt next week! 

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Food Log for Saturday~ March 27

Here is what I ate today:

B~ shredded wheat, 1% milk= 230
L~ PB&J sandwich= 385
S~ kashi lean cereal, yogurt=210
D~ 2 small cheeseburgers, lettuce and tomato=690
S~ pineapple=200
Total: 1715

Not much to talk about today.  I wish Spring weather would come back.  lol.  It is freaking cold here again.  I did get a good walk in Wednesday, but since then it has been nasty outside.  Weigh in is tomorrow.  I don't know what to expect since I haven't been committed to my plan for very long.  Guess we will see.  Hope all of you have a great night!

Friday, March 26, 2010

Day 4~ Food Log for Thursday~ March 25, 2010

My great plans about posting my food log at the end of the day aren't working out. I keep forgetting about posting at night. So, I will be posting my food log for the previous day.

Food Log: Thursday~ March 25, 2010

B~ rice krispies with milk, banana = 300
S~ greek yogurt w/peaches=130
L~Link sausage sandwich= 470
D~ pasta with meat sauce, salad=650
S~ pineapple= 200

Total Calories: 1750

I still need to drink more water.  But, I did better yesterday on calories.  I do think that counting calories has freed me from food prison.  I'm free!  lol.  I have more options and I am in control of what I eat.  I still have trigger foods that I personally feel like I can't eat.  Such as pizza.   I think that as I make calorie counting a habit...that I will be able to eat pizza and not have to worry about making a huge pig out of myself.  Pizza is my #1 trigger food.  I have good intentions when I start eating it and then, I just can't stop until I have eaten 4 or 5 pieces.  Then, that makes me feel like crap.  So, I have a huge setback and end up going on a binge.  Then, I feel worse about not being able to control myself.  So, I just stop trying at all.  I have lived that senerio over and over again.  ANYWAY... NO PIZZA!

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Day 3: How I'm Doing So Far...

I missed posting yesterday.  I was gonna wait until the end of the day so that I could post what I ate all day yesterday and how I was doing with counting calories.  But, I was so tired.  I feel asleep way before I usually do.  Guess I needed it.  I am a night owl.  I stay up late every night.  Then on Mon, Wed, and Fri. I have to be at work at 9.  Guess the loss of sleep caught up with me last night.   So, here is how my day went yesterday:

Food Log:  Lost it!   I had written down my calorie intake and now I can't find it.  UGH!

Counting Calories:  I had a bit of trouble with supper last night.  We were low on groceries and ended up having "breakfast for supper".  We had pancakes and sausage.  I had too many pancakes.  I ended up going over for the day.  But,  my husband went shopping and I am doing much better today.  I will be back later to post my food log.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Day 1: Counting Calories

 I started counting calories today.  I have done well.  I used up all of my calories and am not feeling hungry.  The hard part will be fighting off the urge to eat later tonight.  I think that I will do a better job of spreading my calories out tomorrow so that I can have some fruit for snack at night. 

American Idol is about to come on.... I will be back tomorrow.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Obesity Will Not Win!

I have decided that I have to stop looking for the next great diet that will magically help me shed this weight.   I have tried so many fad diets in hopes that one of them would be "the one" that would work for me.  But, with only a half hearted effort on my part.  The truth is that I have to decide that I want to lose this weight and that I will do whatever it takes to make that happen.  And not rely on some magic pill or potion to do it for me.   I have finally reached that point.  I have been reading various weight loss blogs the last few days.  And it made me realize that I haven't ever tried to lose weight.  Not really.  Those people with the weight loss blogs are serious!  They are committed and they are getting results.  They aren't making excuses as to why they didn't lose this week or why they ate something they shouldn't have.  They are doing what is needed to meet the goals that they set for themselves.  Thanks to all of you who have opened my eyes to the seriousness of my situation.  I am obese and I am slowly killing myself with the bad choices that I make on a daily basis. 

I will be counting every calorie that goes into my mouth.  And I will be keeping a food log so I won't miss anything.   I will begin to exercise.  I have to get myself moving.   I weigh 230 lbs and I am 5'7".  I am obese.  I hate that word and I hate admitting it.  But, it is a fact.  But, I vow right now to begin to change that.  I want to be around for my son while he is growning up.   I want to be a better wife to my husband.  I am so miserable all of the time and it makes me a royal pain to be around.  I want to be happy.  I know that "happiness is a state of mind".    I have heard all of that before... and I agree with that statement to a certain extent.  But, my state of mind isn't very happy right now.  I am tired all of the time.  It feels like I catch every sickness that comes around.  I don't feel good about myself anymore.  And I honestly can't remember the last time I did. 

 Short Term Goal:

I want to lose 25 lbs by our wedding anniversary.  It is in July.


Long Term Goal:

I want to weigh 145 lbs.  That is a loss of 85 lbs.  I can do it.  And I will.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

HAPPY FIRST DAY OF SPRING!

This weekend will be spent relaxing at home.   My husband is teaching Joshua to cast a fishing rod.  He has a practice plug on his pole.  I took some pictures and wanted to share them.  ( I take pics of EVERYTHING) lol.  You can never get special moments back.  So, I have many pics of Joshua from birth till now.  It's hard to believe he is already 4 and will be 5 in June.  He has grown up so fast.

In this picture... Joshua has just cast his line and is reeling it back in.  They did this over and over.  It was so cute. 
Other plans for this weekend include.... haircuts for hubby and Joshua, Catching up on blog reading, getting homeschool materials organized for next week, and getting outside and enjoying this beautiful Spring day.


I hope everyone has a great weekend.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Great Weather..

Yesterday was such a pretty day.  The sun was bright and warm and the temps were in the 60's.  So, my son and I went on a scavenger hunt in our neighborhood.  It felt so good to be able to get outside and breath in the fresh air.  I enjoyed being able to walk outside again.  It was the first day that hadn't been too cold in a long time.  Today is supposed to be just as nice...so, I will be out walking again soon.  But, first I have to go grocery shopping for some fresh veggies and fruit. 

While we were out walking... we came acrossed the funniest thing.  I had to take a pic.
Funny, huh?  It felt like the tree was watching us.  lol.  I hope everyone has a great Thursday.  And if you can...get outside today.  You never know what you are gonna find.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Diet Decisions...

I have been trying to follow a less restrictive low fat diet.  I have been pretty much just winging it.  Just trying to watch my fat intake.  It worked for a while, but now I am starving all the time and I am making bad food choices.  I think I need something a little more controlled.  I quit Fat Smash because it was too restrictive.  Although I did lose 10 lbs on it.  So, I guess what I am looking for is something sort of in the middle.  Something structured, easy to follow and it won't make me feel deprived.  I don't even know if this kind of diet exsists.  Maybe I am just dreaming. 

I would love to be able to afford Nutrisystem or Jenny Craig.  But, that's out of the question.  I don't have the funds to shell out for that every month.  But, it would be easy to follow.

I am going to be doing some research on what kind of diet fits me.  I need to find something I can stick to.  I will let you all know what I find.  There has GOT to be something out there for me.  I know there has to be some sort of discipline on my part.  I have no problem with that.  I just don't want to feel like I am in food prison.  KWIM?

Monday, March 15, 2010

Moody Monday

I have been extra moody today.  I am 43...so I can blame some of it on menopause.  Then, there is the PCOS hormonal excuse.  Not really sure what's going on.  I have been angry one minute and just about to cry the next.  Maybe a good word for it is "emotional".  I don't know if Metformin causes mood swings or not.  I will have to research that. 

I ate way off plan today.  Dh cooked fried catfish and french fries.  I have to say that I did have a salad with it.  It was good, but I have got to get back on plan tomorrow. We also have to go grocery shopping soon.  I am out of fresh veggies and fruit. 

I need to figure out how to post a ticker on here so I can show my weight loss and how much more I have to go.   I am gonna spend tomorrow on that.  It is almost 2 am here.  I gotta get in bed.  Very sleepy...

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Weigh in...



I am down 1 measly lb. today.  I had hoped for more...but, I'll take it.  I am now at 229.  220 has been a plateau for me for years.  I hope to get below it soon.  That will be a huge motivation for me.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

RANT!

I feel the need to let some anger out.  I am so sick and tired of all the HAIR!   I have a beard and mustache.  I have to shave every day and still end up with a 5 o'clock shadow by the end of the day.  I feel so ugly.  I don't feel feminine at all.  I tried waxing... I really can't afford it and it freaking hurts.  I hate to lather up each day and shave like a man..but, I don't know what else to do.  I have shaved my beard and mustache for years.  It is coarse and black.  But, it grew in that way to start with.  I have seen women who had a light fine haired mustache.  They are lucky.  Mine never looked like that. 

Does anyone have a solution?  Maybe there isn't one.  PCOS robs women of their femininity.  It is an ugly disease.   I grow hair all over my body that isn't supposed to be there.  BUT, I lose hair on my hair that is supposed to be there.  Then there is the weight gain, infertility, skin tags, peroid issues and just over all feeling of turning into a man. 

I can't shake this depression that I have gotten into lately.  Sorry for the rant.  Thanks for taking the time to read it.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Spaghetti Squash

I have found my new favorite vegetable.  Spagehtti squash is so yummy.  And you can cook it in the microwave.  Anything microwavable is a hit with me.  lol.  All you have to do is cut the spaghetti squash in half.  Then, using a spoon...scrape out the seeds and pulp in the middle of both sides. Then place it (cut side down) in a microwavable dish, cover losely with plastic wrap (leaving one side open for venting) and put in the microwave for 10-12 mins. (depending on the size of your squash).  You repeat this procedure with the other side of the squash.  Be careful when removing it from the microwave.  It will be VERY hot.  Let it cool.  When it's cool...use a fork and start digging the "spaghetti" out.  Drag the fork from one side of the squash to the other side.  Then "spaghetti" will come out in long threads.  You can add a sauce to the squash and eat it like traditional spaghetti.  I just add a little butter, salt and pepper.  It is soo good.  Give it a try.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

My PCOS Story

 I had been trying to get pregnant for 5 years.  I finally decided that I needed to go see a specialist to find out why I hadn't had a period in 8 years.   My periods were never regular.  But, this was the longest I had ever gone without one.  I went to see the doctor and he told me that I had PCOS.  He drew pictures to explain to me what was going on with my body.  I was so glad to finally find out what was wrong with me.  He put me on Progesterone and Clomid.   I took the Progesterone to make me start my period.  Then, I took the Clomid to make me ovulate.  But, it never did.   I did 5 rounds of that med combination.  My husband(at the time) started to hate what he called "sex on demand".  I had cysts removed from my ovaries via laproscopic surgery.  I had the test ran where they inject dye into your tubes to see if there is a blockage.  Our insurance didn't cover fertility drugs.  It just got too expensive for us to continue.  So, we stopped trying.  My doctor told me to come back if I decided I wanted to try again.  So, I just assumed I would never have kids.  He never told me that losing weight would help and he never mentioned Metformin. 

Well, my husband (at the time) and I started having marital problems and ended up divorcing. During my divorced  years, I lost 45 lbs.   Fast forward to 2004.  I married my current husband.   Three months after we were married... I got pregnant.  You can imagine my surprise!  I had taken MANY pg tests over the years and never got a positive until then.  I had a wonderful pregnancy.  I ended up with pre-eclampsia in the last month.  So, I was induced and my son was born 3 weeks early.  He was almost 8 lbs.  lol.  He was a big boy and he was perfect.  He is now 4... will be 5 in June.  I am so blessed to have a child.  I know that the weight loss was the key to being able to conceive.  Of course my husband thinks that he was the missing ingredient in the years before.  lol.  He may be right. 

I recently went to a new doctor who did more blood work on me.  She put me on Metformin.  I am really trying to follow a PCOS friendly diet.  I am cutting out junk food and sugar.  I want to get healthy.  I don't want to end up with heart disease or diabetes.

Anyway, I just wanted to share my story.  Women with PCOS can conceive.  They can be mothers.  I had given up hope.  But, God had other plans.  I am so thankful that he did.

Low Carb vs. Low Fat... Which One is Best for PCOS?

I have read over and over again that women with PCOS should follow a low carb diet.  My doctor told me to follow a low fat/low sugar diet.  There is a lot of bad press about low carb diets.  But, there are a lot of people who are losing weight low-carbing. 

But, for PCOS...which one is best?   Personally, I have a hard time sticking to a low carb diet.  I find it too restrictive.  I love fruit and bread.  Those are the things I miss on low carb.  Low fat seems to work better for me.  I don't find it as strict as low carb. 

So, I guess the answer is to find out which diet works for you.

Sherry

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

To Suffer or NOT to suffer...Isn't that the question?

Hi...My name is Sherry and I have PCOS.  I wanted to start a blog dedicated to my struggles and accomplishments while dealing with this syndrome.  I am currently overweight and pre-diabetic.  My triglycerides are off the charts.   I also have excess facial and body hair and skin tags.  I need to get this under control.  My doctor started me on metformin about a month ago.  I have been taking it faithfully.  The side effects in the beginning were pretty bad.. but, I have stuck with it.  The metformin is supposed to help control the symptoms of PCOS.  I am taking 1500 mg.  I can't tell a difference so far.  But, I haven't been on the med for very long.  My doc says that 3 months is the average amount of time for the med to get into your system and start doing it's job.  I have lost 10 lbs in the last 7 weeks.  That was due to an intense detox diet that I was on for 12 days. 

Currently, I am following a diet that consists of low fat and low sugar foods.  Or I guess I should say "trying" to follow a diet that consists of low fat and low sugar.  It's hard when my body is craving all the good stuff.  UGH!
So, drop in frequently and check out my progress. 

Sherry