Saturday, June 12, 2010

Why Do I Do This??

I just did something that I'm not proud of.  And my body is letting me know.  I ended up eating leftovers from last night for lunch.  Which in it's self  isn't a bad thing.  But, the amount that I ate...therein lies the problem.  I ate and ate until the entire bowl was gone.  I started feeling full halfway through the meal. But, I didn't stop.  I don't really know why.  I just "had" to finish the entire thing.  Well...I got so sick.  I had to take lots of papaya enzyme tablets and 4 advil for the horrible headache I got.  My stomach was reeling and I felt like it was gonna come back up any minute.  I did think about just letting myself puke so that I would feel better.  But, I didn't want my husband to know that I had eaten so much...so, I didn't puke.  Besides, I hate puking! 

Well, it's been about 2 hours since I pigged out.  I can now lift my head off of the pillow and type on the computer.  It would not have been possible right after I ate.  I know that I am a food addict.  But, this kind of obsessive eating hasn't been a problem for me in the past.  That I can remember, anyway.  I always had a stopping point.  Maybe because now I am limiting myself to my calorie bank has made me rebel a bit. 

But, as much as I hated doing this to myself... I have to say... LESSON LEARNED!  I never want to feel that sick again.  Especially when I made myself sick.  I could have prevented the whole thing.  I just lost control.  But, I feel like I am back at the wheel now and I know which direction I want to go. 

Thanks for reading.  I feel better now that my stupidity isn't a secret anymore.

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