This Shouldn't Be So Hard...

I am seriously struggling!  I am having intense cravings and have given into some of them.  Why is this so hard for me??  I see all of you who have lost so much weight.  I know that it wasn't easy for any of you.  But, I told myself in the beginning that if you guys could do it...I could too.  But, I am so mad at myself.  I lost weight in the beginning.  But, I have gained 5 lbs back.  I don't want to be fat for the rest of my life.   I am just having a hard time...

Hi

Just wanted to drop in and say : I'm still here!  Just trying to find balance in my life.  I have been reading blogs...just not posting.  I will try to post more. :)

Thanks to those of you who have inquired about my well being.  It's nice to be missed. 

Joshua's Birthday

Joshua turned 5 on the 16th.  He is growing up so fast.  Here is a picture of his "hotwheels" cake.  And, yes...I had some.  lol.

Blog Award!

I got an award!  Thanks so much, Kim  You rock!  The first thing I have to do it to thank the person who gave it to me...Done!  The second part of this award is to write ten things that you love.
1.  God. He is my heavenly Father. 
2.  My son.  I am so blessed to have him.
3.  My husband.
4.  My parents.  I love and miss them so much.
5.  My sisters.   They are all so different from each other.  I am so proud of them.
6. My friends.  I don't have many...but, it's the quality...not the quantity that counts.
7. Sleeping late. I don't get to do it very often. lol
8. Fall...My favorite time of the year.
9. Clean clothes.  I love it when all of my laundry is done!  lol.
10. Homeschooling my son.  I am so lucky to be able to teach him.  He is so smart.

The third part is to pass this on to 10 other bloggers.

The Incredible Shrinking Family

Sandy's Search For Her Inner Skinny

 A Deliberate Life

Between The Before And After

Fat Girl With A Pretty Face

From Fat To Fab

From Fat To Fantastic

Life Time Plan

Becca's Weight Loss Struggles

 PCOS: Path To Health


I wanted to give this back to Kim...But, I didn't know if that was "allowed" or not.  SO...KIM...I LOVE YOUR BLOG!!

More Meds...

My doctor's office called this morning.  She changed my metformin from 1500mg to 2000mg.  She also put me on Tricor for my triglycerides.  We were hoping that my weight loss had helped...but, my trigs were still high.  So, I am on this Tricor for one month to see if it will help.  I skipped weigh in this week.  I just feel fat and bloated.  Maybe another period is on it's way.  I had one in April and skipped May.  The one in April was the first in many many months.  Maybe this increase in Metformin will help regulate me more. 

Food today was good.  I didn't go over my budget.  I worked 5 hours today.  Pretty physical job all day.  Lots of rooms to clean today.  I have been drinking lots more water the last week or so.  I am trying to wean myself off diet coke.  I had 3 today.  That may sound like a lot...but, I am used to having 6 or 7 a day.  BAD HABIT! 

I hope everyone has a good night.

Why Do I Do This??

I just did something that I'm not proud of.  And my body is letting me know.  I ended up eating leftovers from last night for lunch.  Which in it's self  isn't a bad thing.  But, the amount that I ate...therein lies the problem.  I ate and ate until the entire bowl was gone.  I started feeling full halfway through the meal. But, I didn't stop.  I don't really know why.  I just "had" to finish the entire thing.  Well...I got so sick.  I had to take lots of papaya enzyme tablets and 4 advil for the horrible headache I got.  My stomach was reeling and I felt like it was gonna come back up any minute.  I did think about just letting myself puke so that I would feel better.  But, I didn't want my husband to know that I had eaten so much...so, I didn't puke.  Besides, I hate puking! 

Well, it's been about 2 hours since I pigged out.  I can now lift my head off of the pillow and type on the computer.  It would not have been possible right after I ate.  I know that I am a food addict.  But, this kind of obsessive eating hasn't been a problem for me in the past.  That I can remember, anyway.  I always had a stopping point.  Maybe because now I am limiting myself to my calorie bank has made me rebel a bit. 

But, as much as I hated doing this to myself... I have to say... LESSON LEARNED!  I never want to feel that sick again.  Especially when I made myself sick.  I could have prevented the whole thing.  I just lost control.  But, I feel like I am back at the wheel now and I know which direction I want to go. 

Thanks for reading.  I feel better now that my stupidity isn't a secret anymore.

Food Log~ 6/07/10

Monday:

S~ granola bar  100

B~ bacon 160   egg w/ cheese 140

L~ ham and cheese sandwich  325

S~ yogurt  100

D~ mashed potatoes, pork  550

S~ yogurt 100

1475

Nothing exciting happening here today.   Just work.  Joshua and I went for a walk this afternoon.  The weather has been nice today.  I go have my blood drawn tomorrow.  So, I have to fast 12 hours.  Starting tonight.  I am gonna try to get a few more calories in before bed.  Maybe 100 more or so.  I am trying to keep them between 1500 and 1600.  Have a great night.